Time heals all wounds; love speeds up the process.

And, somehow, Christmas came back...

Christmas evening, with just Nat King Cole

It’s Christmas evening, and I am alone in my mom’s place, writing this entry while listening to Nat King Cole. Mom had to take a flight to Davao for work, and Aljoe and Erica joined her. I should be somewhere else, feeling the joy of the season. Instead I decided to use the time and the space to be alone and really just... feel.

What a crazy past few days. What a crazy Christmas. And it ain’t really over yet.

How it began, I really don’t know. Did it begin weeks or months ago, when disturbing dreams and feelings entered my consciousness? Did it begin when I started feeling an odd thump-thump in my heart and a familiar knot in the stomach? Or did it begin just that night, at someone else’s wedding (too much like the one we wanted to have for ourselves)?

I really don’t know. But it happened. And people got hurt. And Christmas took on a different meaning altogether.

Strangely enough, as I sit here with Nat King Cole’s voice singing “Unforgettable,” I feel an odd kind of peace knowing that I am strong, my mind is clear, and my feelings are real. Am I sad? Yes, that it happened. Am I in pain? Yes, still. Especially knowing that I was hurt and caused hurt in return. At Christmas, of all times. Am I angry? I was, but I somehow can’t feel it anymore. Am I scared? Yes, because of the uncertainty that tomorrow brings. But all these feelings are eclipsed by the fact that I feel so much Love flowing within me.

Love. At this time. While I’m alone. After everything that had happened in the past three days.

And I don’t know what will happen tonight, or in the next few days, or in the next year. All I know is that I will be guided by Love. Real, pure, uncomplicated Love.

“I don’t know why
I know these things
But I do.”
~ I Don’t Know Why, October Project

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

I saw a rainbow this morning, from mom's veranda...

... and I know that everything is going to be okay.

All good things must come to an end.

Our first performance as a duo: Romancing Venus: Giving (10 December 2007)

Link

Here are photos of our first performance ever, at the Romancing Venus Poetry Night at Mag:net Katipunan. (Thanks to Erving Go for these great shots!) The theme of the night was Giving, and so I composed and read two poems: Interview with the Christmas Star, which is about the star that always gives and doesn't ask for anything in return (which I read with Paul on percussion at the background), and The Moon's Gift, which is for the man who has given me so much--and dedicated, of course, to Paul.

It was a great night, and I was very fortunate to have witnessed a gathering of a very diverse mix of performers: there were stand-up comic acts, an opera tenor (really, really GOOD!), more poets, and a fusion of poetry and music. It was the best setting for my first time, and it's the kind of environment I'd encourage more people to be a part of.

So in case you'd like to catch the next poetry night, please do block off JANUARY 14, 2008, 7-9PM at Mag:net Katipunan. The theme of the night is Birth, and it coincides with Paul's and my birth month so we're very excited to cook up yet another poetry act.

Donate a book, build a library

Link

A few months ago, Anna Rojas, a good friend of mine, began a book drive for the Sta. Teresa National High School in the island of Guimaras. It was a simple project that aimed to share a love of learning and books to the school children of Sta. Teresa National High School, and it didn't take rocket science or Rockefeller riches to get off the ground.

Now, Sta. Teresa National High School already has a library, which was inaugurated just two days ago (December 17). In it were the books that Anna was able to bring there through the generous support of friends, colleagues, and other do-gooders--as well as other reference materials, of course.

In this Season of Giving, I feel BLESSED to have great friends who embody the Spirit of the Season, and to know that all around us are great examples of everyday folks who do things just a little differently to make a big difference.

Six days to Christmas!

My Surprise Act for Paul Ü

THE MOON’S GIFT

Poetry by Niña Terol

Performed at the Romancing Venus Poetry Night, 10 December 2007

Mag:net Katipunan

For Paul, the man whose music has given me wings

In the darkness of night

As my world slumbers

And as I dream

Of forgotten wishes

Of friends long gone

Of the mysteries of the Universe

Your world

Is bursting

With music

With color

With life.

It is a world

I can glimpse

Only through your eyes

A life I cannot fully

Understand.

It is a force that

Separates us,

Keeps us distinct

As Sun and Moon

Although we share the same sky

And watch over the same world

I do not understand the Moon—

Do not comprehend

How it can affect the tides

Or cause me

To turn into a werewolf

At the stroke of midnight

I cannot read its Face

Nor decipher the smile or

The tears

That merge

With its light.

But I do know

That the Moon

Lights your way.

It shows you

Where to you

As you tread on your path

To greatness

To glory

To peace.

It gives you

The Strength

The Wisdom

And the Courage

To do what is right

To seek what is just

To summon the Will

To live

And love.

There are many things

I do not understand,

Many things

That often cause

The crease on my brow,

The frown on my lips.

But these are the same things

That give you

The power

To be the pillar of my world

The ground beneath my feet

The Force that

Pushes me

To reach for the sky

And shine

By my own light.

For as I slumber

And dream

Of princes turned toads,

Of genies and faraway lands

You are using your gift

To nourish me,

Keep me safe,

And make my dreams come true.

There are many things

I may not understand

But I thank them

For the gift of you

And for the gift of your love

That greets me

As the moon bades farewell

And leaves me to the

Warm embrace

Of Day.

My "Virgin Act" at Romancing Venus Poetry Night, 10 December 2007 =)

INTERVIEW WITH THE CHRISTMAS STAR

Poetry by Niña Terol

Performed at the Romancing Venus Poetry Night, 10 December 2007

Mag:net Katipunan

When you shone your light

That night

A million moons ago

Did you know that

The Child

Was someday going to be

Taunted

Persecuted

But eventually become

King?

Did you cry when you saw

That your light

Illuminated

Even those whose hearts were dark?

Do you cry

When a child

Makes a wish

That you cannot grant?

Do you ever cry at all?

Do you ever wish

For something of your own?

What is it like

To be up there

Gazing at us

Down here

And hearing

Wishes

And prayers

And cries

But never really knowing

What it is

To live?

When you grant

A wish

For happiness

Or true love

Or peace

Do they ever stop

To thank you

And say how

Magnificent

Your light is?

Do they ever stop

To think

How you must feel

Standing alone

In the dark—

The nearest star

Light years away—

And dying just a little bit

Inside

So we could catch

A glimpse

Of your eternal smile?

Do you twinkle

When no one’s watching?

What has it cost you

To be where you are now?

Are you really happy?

When I look up

At the Heavens

And see you

Do you see me, too?

And when I wish

For nothing more

Than world peace

Do you smile at yourself

And say, “This girl is

A fool!”

Or are you relieved

That you got a wish

That is not yours to grant?

When you see me

Looking up at you

What do you really want

To say?

How much would you really

Give

To turn your light off for

Just a moment

And crash down on Earth

So that you’d finally know

How much it hurts

How much it costs

To be down here

When you see everyone

On Earth

Do you secretly say

A prayer of thanks

That the Heavens decided

To spare you

The agony of life

At the risk

Of never experiencing

Love?

Have you ever been in love?

If so

How much of yourself—

How many impossible wishes

Would you grant

To be alive

And in someone’s arms

Again?

How much would you really give?