Via Filipina

We Each Have a Post to Man (by Niña Terol)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:34:00 +0000

We Each Have a Post to Man

By Niña Terol

The most interesting emails that I’ve gotten lately are from friends who don’t usually participate in political or social discussions in our respective egroups, but who pipe in once in a while—and quite passionately—about where they’re coming from as young professionals trying to build careers and families.

“I am not being apathetic, but my priority now is to establish myself and provide for myself and my family.”

“My role in society is to run my business well, provide opportunities for growth for my employees, and make sure that everyone is paid well and on time so that they, in turn, can provide for their families.”

“I work hard, obey the law, and pay taxes. I think I’m doing my fair share already.”

“I care about what happens to this country, but I simply don’t know what to do.”

“I’m busy enough as it is. I want to make sure that whatever I do for the country will produce concrete results.”

I hear you. And I understand.

* * *

In my work as a volunteer of several organizations I have met many talented, brilliant, and passionate individuals who make their own significant contributions within their own lines of interest and their own skill sets. There is Frankie Varona, immediate past president of the Ateneo Alumni Association (AAA), who worked tirelessly to inspire the AAA and the Ateneo community to work on programs for Gawad Kalinga. There is Niel Lim, Team RP’s Communications Head, who uses his own passion for journalism and political communications to ensure that Team RP’s message cuts through the media clutter (and all this while working on his master’s thesis!). There is Czarina Medina, editor of Starfish Magazine, who contributes valuable time, expertise, connections, and passion to feed the minds and souls of young leaders from around the country. There is Anna Rojas, my “soul sister” from our Globe Telecom days, who went way out of her way to mobilize resources to build a library in Sta. Teresa, Guimaras. There are many people who seem to do extraordinary things simply by giving off a few hours each week to work on something they really believe in.

But then, not all of us can be volunteers. Not all of us have the luxury of time, or flexibility, or liquidity, or emotional support, to be able to give off ourselves without the benefit of a paycheck or a positive performance appraisal or an additional client. Not all of us can take off from work in the middle of the day to attend yet another committee meeting, or build a GK home, or plan a socio-civic event. Most of us barely even have time to really spend time with our loved ones or read a good book or take a walk. How can we be expected to participate in volunteer efforts or—God forbid—engage government in long-term reforms that might even not be implemented?

The answer, to put it quite simply, is this: Man your own post.

Yes, it is true that not all of us can be volunteers—and not all of us can volunteer for the same thing. We each have different beliefs, different value systems, different principles, different socio-cultural backgrounds, and so on, but one thing is certain: we are all good at something. Many of us use this “something”—whatever it may be—for work, while some of us keep “bread-and-butter” jobs and save our true passions for the weekend. But we all have skills, we all have talents, and we all have friends. Each of us can maximize these three elements to make positive change happen in society.

* * *

Use your skills. As a communicator and a project manager, I use my skills to maintain a freelance practice. Fortunately, this has allowed me to allocate a substantial amount of time for volunteer efforts. In my work with Team RP, I try to use my communications and organizational skills to get things organized, to move things along, and so on. I chose Team RP—a reform-oriented group that seeks to engage media, government, and key stakeholders in the pursuit of truth, accountability, and reform—because I love policy work. I enjoyed serving a legislative role in the student council when I was in college, and I enjoy being able to work on changes from a political/legislative standpoint. This kind of work might not appeal to others at all, but it does to me, and so I do it.

You might be an account executive, or an entrepreneur, or an analyst. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t volunteer for any socio-civic projects, but maybe you could convince your clients or colleagues to adopt a social dimension to your organizational efforts. Maybe you could adopt a community and tie it in with your brand’s strategic objectives. Or you might sponsor a video to convince first-time voters to register while it’s still early. You could find ways to help us policy-oriented folk by directing the private sector’s attention to our efforts. Or you could help us craft our messages. Or you could share with us some information you got while researching for a presentation. In your hands (or brains, or PCs) is something that somebody else needs. Maybe the best thing you could do for your country is share a little bit of that. (Or convince your clients and colleagues to do so.)

Use your talents. Once in a while, I get tapped to do hosting gigs. Just tonight I emceed for the induction ceremonies of the Ateneo Alumni Association. Every so often, I write articles for the AAA website, or for Blueblood—the alumni magazine. I’d do these things—write and host/talk onstage—even if I weren’t paid for it. So I might as well do it to help others.

Meanwhile, my beloved is a performance artist who gets paid to perform his Kali Drum and his water bottles at gigs and events. But every so often he does pro bono workshops to empower barangay children, or performs for free in fund-raising concerts or concerts for a cause because he believes that his music has relevance. Whatever your talent is, whatever you’re most passionate about, you could help bring about concrete change by mixing the two well, even just once in a while.

Use your friends. In this age of social networking—of egroups and social networking sites and blogs—everyone has friends. Everyone has a fan base. We can make the most of whatever influence we have by being part of the all-important social exchange. Let’s share information—about issues, about volunteer opportunities, about causes, about petitions—and let’s engage our friends in the causes we’re most passionate about. Let’s engage in what the folks at YPS (Young Public Servants) call “social conversations.” Once in a while, over a meal or a snack, let’s ask our friends and family members what they think about important issues. Should we go on a “family diet” in view of the looming rice crisis? Should we cut back on our Starbucks coffee session and use the money to donate to a charity? What does your brother think about the necessary qualities for a leader of the Philippines? Talking might not lead to concrete solutions yet—but they help clarify issues, crystallize ideas, and connect people. We sure need a lot of that in an age of snap judgements, shallow thought, and divisiveness.

* * *

There’s a saying that goes “bloom where you’re planted.” Each of us is a different plant (or flower), with different characteristics, and we’re all planted somewhere. Our society is facing so many challenges that it won’t take a single, homogenous group of people to find or create solutions. We need all kinds of people to do different things so that different issues and concerns are addressed. We need people everywhere to work on a specific area so that positive change snowballs and happens sooner rather than later.

So it’s okay if you don’t join my cause, or if you don’t support this particular project. But maybe there is a cause or a project to which you can contribute, either voluntarily or as part of your job. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that people everywhere recognize that change needs to happen, and that they have the power to do something. When we thought of the name for Team RP, we wanted to imbibe the “team philosophy” that permeates through sports teams. Wherever you are in the world, whatever it is that you’re doing, if you’re Filipino then you belong to one team—THIS team. And we each have a post to man. It’s just a matter of knowing where that is and stepping up to the plate.

Questions, comments, reactions? Email me at nina.terol@gmail.com.

Anger, Despair, and Hope in the Time of Rendition

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:06:00 +0000

One ordinary Friday night, I came face to face with the kind of anger and despair that I didn’t realize I had in me. It was the kind that made me cry for people I did not know, for faces I did not see, for a society I did not understand. It made me question the pillars of my existence—everything that I had based my life upon—and it made me see the pettiness of human life. What is the point of all this?, I cried out. Nothing could comfort me then; these thoughts still haunt me until now.

I was watching Rendition, the 2007 film about an Egyptian immigrant to the United States who is abducted by the CIA for being suspected of having links to an Islamic terrorist group. Reese Witherspoon, one of my favorite actresses, plays Isabella El-Ibrahimi, the distraught and very pregnant wife of Egyptian Anwar El-Ibrahimi (Omar Metwally), who seems to have disappeared from his flight home without a trace. Jake Gyllenhaal plays Douglas Freeman, a CIA analyst whose job it is to “secure information” about Anwar’s suspected terrorist links and their activities—no matter what it takes. Meryl Streep plays the cold, calculating, and unfeeling CIA boss, Corinne Whitman, who ensures that nothing about Anwar’s whereabouts or the CIA’s underground activities leak out to the public.

I shall not go into plot details here; I admit that there were times when I was too caught up in my own reflections to pay full attention to how the story unfolded. Nonetheless, I was riveted and engaged for most of the movie—to the point where everything seemed very real and close to home. And then the tears started falling.

At first, the tears were for all those men and women who have sacrificed their loved ones to the bitterness of war—to battles with neither principled death nor honorable victory, to horrors and pains without justification or absolution. Then I started wailing like I never had before, because I realized that no matter what we do, the killing will never stop. Rich and powerful countries will always find a way to wield power and force over those of us at the bottom of the food chain. Children will continue to die because of hunger and malnutrition and treatable diseases—causes that could be addressed with political will. Religious and societies and cultures will continue to exclude each other and try to justify acts that are ultimately uncalled for. All this while tiny circles of wealth go around the world in their yachts, eating the freshest, most exotic food and sipping the best wine. All this while teenaged brats prance around in their hot cars, flashing extensions of Daddy’s card and racking up luxury purchases that would already be enough to send an impoverished child (who did not choose to be born that way) to University. All this while coke fiends fill the party scene and crowd the already-overpopulated country with their meaningless, pitiful existence.

What is the meaning of all this?? I asked myself. You think your life is important—you think what you’re doing and the people you’re meeting are important—but what are you doing to stop the madness? What are you doing to feed or clothe one more person, to send one more child to school, to make sure that people don’t die meaningless deaths? What is your life really all about??

Silence.

I realized that what I’m doing now—whatever that is—still isn’t enough.

It was the most depressing thought in the world, at 3 A.M.

* * *

Then I realized that I don’t want to go “the small way” anymore. I do not want to “do my own little thing”, at my own pace and time, because the problems we’re facing now are way bigger than we imagine them to be. I do not want to be content with making “a small difference.” If I’m going to make something of my life, then I will find a way to make a big impact—to deal with real problems, to contribute real solutions, to work on systemic long-term solutions that will be felt even by my children and my grandchildren. To be honest, I don’t know yet what the avenues are or how I’ll find them, but I know that they’ll come to me. I just need to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I want to be out there, where it counts. I’m just so sick and tired of looking at the world with despair.

I want to feel hope again.

And if I can’t find it, then I’ll find a way to make it. I know there are many others out there like me who believe that it can be done.

Team RP News Release: PAIL needed to avoid abuse of Executive Privilege

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:21:00 +0000

'PAIL needed to avoid abuse of

Executive Privilege' – TEAM RP

Alarmed over Malacañang's announcement that cabinet officials would not attend further Senate hearings on the NBN-ZTE inquiry, invoking the recent Supreme Court decision on Executive Privilege, TEAM RP, a youth-led reform-oriented group, reiterated their call for a Philippine Access to Information Law (PAIL).

Read more about Team RP's campaign for the Philippine Access to Information Law here Link

Domesticity

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 06:57:00 +0000

There's something peacefully wonderful about getting the chores done...

... Making sure that the kitchen bulbs are replaced...

... Having the faulty kitchen "faucet head" replaced with a shiny, sparkling one...

... Doing the groceries and picking up some lamb chops (because you know he loves lamb chops!)...

... Preparing a really yummy dinner...

... Doing a "surprise chore" which someone will absolutely appreciate...

I guess the bottomline is this: it's great to get chores done when you know someone will be there to appreciate it all.

Quarterly Life Review (part 2 of 2): Our Ideals Can Feed Us, After All

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:43:00 +0000

One of the most frequently-heard lines by young idealists such as myself is that “Your ideals can’t feed you.” We are taught that ideals are great when you are young and in school, but not when you are paying for bills, paying your taxes, and trying to climb up the corporate ladder or raise a family. No, at that stage in your life you don’t need ideals—you need money. Somehow, our society has taught us that if we are idealistic, then will be cursed with poverty.

If that were the case, then the idealistic, freelance “artist” that I am should be starving and homeless (and totally emaciated) by now.

However, as the Universe would have it, this quarter has been my busiest and my most liquid period in quite a while. (Certainly compared to the same period last year!) I have been contracted for projects that are not only profitable but also very much in line with my interests; I have been able to devote enough time, money, and energy to my socio-civic involvements (and work from cafés as often as I need to); and I’ve been able to afford my little luxuries as well. Oh, and there were the home and car repairs that Paul and I had to take care of as well. And the big party we had last month.

So far, the checks have been coming in steady streams for me, and the bookings have been coming in non-stop for Paul. (There are days when he has back-to-back-TO-BACK events—and, as of this writing, he has four out-of-town performances over the next four weeks!) All these when our ideals have been at their most intense, when our “for-the-love” involvements have been at an all-time high. All these when we should have been impoverished for banking on our ideals.

* * *

Now I totally, fully understand what it means to “Do what you love and the money will follow.” For both Paul and I, what we’re doing now is what we’d we doing anyway even if nobody paid us. I will continue to write, connect people, share ideas, and organize groups. He will continue to create music, experiment on new forms of expression, and raise the bar of his artmaking. Both of us will continue to stay tuned to the news, engage in political discussions, and take a stand when and where it is relevant and necessary.

Fortunately for us, other people seem to be seeing the value that our passion and our ideals bring into our work. Somehow, they see that this “value added” is worth paying for; it’s as if WE ourselves are becoming premium brand names. And, to a very large extent, that IS true—each of us is our own brand. It’s just a question of what our respective brands stand for and how others perceive and “valuate” our personal brands.

* * *

This reminds me of a new venture I’m working on with a friend based in London. She is an environmental scientist with an expertise in sustainable development, and our venture involves teaching corporations how to adapt to global standards in CSR (corporate social responsibility) practice and reporting. In the past few years, CSR has become all the rage in corporate boardrooms, and it’s easy to see why: people need to see what values, principles, and ideals you stand for before they feel comfortable enough to do business with you.

Working on this project has made me realize that, if I were a company, I’d probably have “CSR” written all over me. My freelance writing practice really stemmed from articles and blog entries that I used to write for free anyway. My organizational skills have been honed by years of involvement with volunteer groups. My political involvements began during my student council days in college, and they never really left. Everything that I’m doing now is anchored on something that I had begun doing just because I wanted to. And, somehow, they have all led to fruitful professional undertakings.

Even when I didn’t have money in mind, (above-board, untainted) money seemed to find me. I think it’s a pretty good way to live.

So the next time anyone comes up to me for career advice, I’d tell them: “Go ahead and do what you do best—what you’d do anyway even without getting paid. You’d be surprised how much people would be willing to pay you for that.”

And if you are one of those people who somehow believed enough in me to pay for what I’d do for free anyway, I thank the Universe for you.

A Quarterly “Life Review” (Part 1 of 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 07:49:00 +0000

The very first time I can remember conducting a “strategic life review” was seven years ago, around March or April 2001. It was the Holy Week then, and I was by myself at what was then Powerbooks Arnaiz, hiding behind some shelves in the Religion section. I was hunched over The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho) and The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron)—hurriedly taking notes on a black, lined paper using metallic-colored gel pens, hoping I wouldn’t get caught. It was my first encounter with those life-changing books, and the first time I can remember REALLY taking a good look at my life as it was.

At 21 then, it was probably the first time in my young adult life that I had felt very confused and very much “out of sync.” Neither my job nor my relationship then provided any fulfillment, and I was still hanging on to some old strings that should no longer have been relevant. I was not happy with my life—I was not happy with my self—and all around me were questions, questions, questions.

In spite of the angst that that period brought about, the exercise of reading good books, jotting down notes, and letting the questions flow proved to be monumental for me—as it led me on a journey toward self-awareness, self-discovery, passion, authenticity, and—now—some semblance of serenity.

So I am not surprised that today, seven years later—also during the Holy Week—I find myself needing to go partly back and take another look at my life. Let’s call it a “quarterly life review,” as much of what I am enjoying now is a direct result of actions, decisions, and circumstances that arose only in January.

* * *

When the year began, I was only beginning to recover from a traumatic Christmas. A series of misunderstandings, assumptions, and “implosions” nearly tore me and my beloved apart, and it took a very conscious series of decisions for us to get our relationship back on track. We vowed that 2008 was going to be “our year”—individually and as a couple—and that it was going to be the period for redefining our lives. I also made some very crucial career decisions in January, and those allowed me to look at myself and my work with renewed pride and confidence. I told myself that nobody was going to make me feel bad or inadequate—especially when it came to my work—ever again.

February was a crazy month, and if I were to create a timeline of this month alone it would seem like I packed several months’ worth of activity in time to celebrate the leap year. February 2 saw Paul and I having our first-ever major birthday bash—it was filled with music from start to finish, and attended by over a hundred of our dearest friends. (Rehearsal for wedding reception preparations? Maybe.) By the 5^th politics had started overtaking our lives—this was the night of the leadership change in the Lower House (which we watched on live TV ‘till way past midnight)—and by the 8^th we literally saw history unfold as we caught the live, breaking-news coverage of the Lozada exposé. It was also the night when I wrote the “Concerned Citizen’s 10-point Reform Agenda”, a letter that catapulted me into the world of real-world politics. On February 16 I joined a discussion among young Filipinos, which soon morphed into what is now Team RP, and by the 25^th Team RP was holding its first major event ever—a Concert for Truth, Accountability, and Reform that gained massive media coverage. (Friends actually messaged to say that they saw me on TV!) It was also the day when Heaven gave me another angel-guide when my dear friend, Jay Tan, passed away and reminded me of how short life is, indeed.

March has been an equally fast-paced month. We’re not even at the end yet, and—quite wonderfully—I’m already up to my eyebrows in projects that I really enjoy (with people that I respect and enjoy working with), and I once again find myself in a leadership position that reaffirms and reinvigorates my love for the political scene. I really don’t know why, but... throw me in a fashion show and I’ll still feel awkward; throw me in a political gathering and I’ll feel very much at home and in my element. So for the first time in a very long time, I feel that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. Here, I am not a mere observer, I am not just a chronicler; I am an active participant and a key player, and my opinions matter. (And the fact that I still get to enjoy the arts, culture, and lifestyle scenes is a heady bonus for me!)

* * *

A few weeks ago, I declared on Facebook that I was “working towards equilibrium.” Now, I feel that I am steadily getting there. Of all the realizations to which this quarter has led me, perhaps the most important is that I need a balance of business, art, and politics in my life. I am not just a writer; I am a creative social entrepreneur. I am not just a lifestyle journalist; I am an arts-and-culture lover. I am not just a former student leader; I am a young Filipino political player (not a “politician”—there’s a big difference). Take any of these elements away and I will feel very wobbly and very much misaligned. But give me the space to do and be all of these things and I will bloom like a seed planted in the ideal environment.

My friend Carissa Villacorta gave me a wonderful book for Christmas/my birthday. Entitled Live What You Love: Notes from an Unusual Life, it was written by Bob and Melinda Blanchard, a couple who defined their family life not based on the usual conventions but on what they felt was important to them. It reminded me very much of the life that Paul and I had begun building together. Here is an excerpt from the Introduction:

“What happens if life falls outside the expected lines and inside others that are self-defined? Our experiences tell us that living this way is as wonderful as it is odd. We happen to believe that life really is about choices, and we love what happens when interesting ones get paired together...

“Truly living this way has taken courage, faith, and more than an occasional dose of old-fashioned stubbornness. We tend not to give up. We try not to go with the usual choices. Even so, it has not always been easy to ‘stay true’ to our dreams and passions...

“After reflecting on all these moments, we realized that we had never said ‘no’ to one of our dreams. Together, we had always examined where we were in life and what we needed to continue on the path that was right for us. We balanced our dreams with practicalities, but never gave up on them. We were not afraid to risk it all and make huge mistakes and start over again. We surrounded ourselves with people we love in places that nurture our souls. We held hands and jumped into the water together. We made our dream come true by living what we love every single day.”

Team RP Petition for a Freedom of Access to Information Law

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:33:00 +0000

Link

Some of you who will get this may already know what we at Team RP have been doing. Some of you may be reading a politically charged message from me for the first time. I'm wearing my beliefs on my sleeve, and very proud to do so.

Many of you may be thinking, "Okay, Team RP. You say you're working for 'truth, accountability, and reform'. What now? What concrete steps can you REALLY take?" Here's one: to push for a law that gives us THE RIGHT TO INFORMATION. This right is enshrined in the Constitution, but because there are no enabling laws, there is no teeth--and many excuses not to comply.

By signing this petition, you will be helping us achieve our goal of AT LEAST 10,000 SIGNATURES that we will bring to legislators as a "pressure point." Your signature, together with many others, can signal to media that THIS IS AN ISSUE WORTH TALKING ABOUT. When media hounds our government officials for their take on this issue, THEN THE BALL CAN START ROLLING. People can start taking stands, a comprehensive bill can be drafted. ALL WITH THE HELP OF YOUR SIGNATURE.

Thank you in advance for your support. Please pass this on to friends so that they, too, will know how their ONE SIGNATURE can help change the course of things in this country.

--
Niña Terol
Vice Chairperson for Internal Affairs
TEAM RP

Finishing Last (an old post by Jay Tan on A Spoonful of Sugar)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 14:09:00 +0000

This was a post that Jay wrote in my blog shortly after his 28th birthday.

Jay, in my eyes--in the eyes of all your friends who knew and loved you--you will always be first. I love you, bro, and I'll miss you as sure as heaven.

A Spoonful of Sugar 2003, v.11
Finishing Last
By John Julian Tan III (contributing writer)
(Written: 15 September 2003)

This piece was written by one of my best friends, John Julian "Jay" Tan III, who, until recently, thought that he'd been living 28 years without having a single girlfriend. It turns out that he DID have a relationship at one time or another--only he didn't know that they were having a relationship at the time that it happened! (Now, isn't THAT interesting?!)

But, enough of that little side tidbit. What we have here is something that Jay wrote four years ago, and it talks about life and love... from the good guy's point of view.

* * * * *

Once upon a time, I believed that fairy tales did come true and that I would find a princess to call my very own someday and live happily ever after with. Unfortunately, life has played out more like a contrived horror novel and I am left cursing the Brothers Grimm for hammering such a crazy notion in my naive head. Lessons I’ve learned: Fairy tales don’t come true and princesses would rather go out with brutes and gnomes before having anything to do with a Prince Charming. In the game of dating and in the dance of courtship, these “nice guys" have a special reserved spot down at the bottom of the food chain, feeling more like Dopey rather than royalty.

Why do nice guys finish last? In retrospect, the nineties was the decade when chivalry officially died, but I didn’t think it would also spell the end to the Prince Charmings of the world. It is a jaded observation but girls prefer boorishness to sensitivity and passion over stability. One can never fully understand the rationale behind the female mind, but it just defies all logic, driving unsuspecting victims to look for long-term relationships with guys who are really just looking for flings. They are like moths drawn to a flame, ever-willing to be burned in the name of love.

This leaves the nice guy wallowing in misery and watching helplessly as one girl after another leaps into the arms of those guys who seem to have an edge about them. Whatever happened to finding a guy you could bring home to your mother? Unless I miss my guess, this may be one of the reasons why they never seem to get ahead. When the forerunners of women’s liberation first began their movement years ago, I’m sure they never expected their vision to evolve into what it is right now. We live in a world where opening doors and pulling out chairs for ladies won’t win you points with anyone. We live in a world where being courteous, well-mannered and sympathetic have become “flawed" traits rather than things you would look for in a guy. We live in a world where the females actually hold all the cards.

Things have indeed gone topsy-turvy and it is a misconception to think of it as a man’s world nowadays. Girls have assumed the roles that men for many generations were accustomed to. They are now the ones who conk guys on the head and drag them back to their caves; they are now the hunters and the conquerors. It is safe to think of the nice guys as timid, stationary targets while the bad boys can be likened to wild game, a chase that females can really sink their teeth into. Girls are in the game simply because they want to be known as the ones who tamed the savage beast.

In defense of females everywhere, the nice guy syndrome may not really be their fault. Nice guys, with all their sensitivity and kindness, almost always see their potential romantic situations “graduate" into deep, meaningful friendships. This is an inescapable plateau that, in reality, spells the doom and should dash any hopes of the nice guy carrying this friendship to another level. To girls, the nice guys suddenly get tagged as “comfortable"(like an old pair of socks) and their friendship becomes too “valuable"to risk it in the name of a relationship. They become spectators and sounding boards to the females who are busy with their hunt.

A lot of the nice guys accept this lot in life but some try their damnedest to shake off this clean-cut image. They eventually find out though, that their efforts are to no avail because try as they might, their inherent goodness just keeps cracking the veneer and seeping through.

I should know.

I’ve tried everything from antipathy to cigarettes but despite the smoke and mud that I’ve tried to cake myself in, I realize that I wouldn’t be happy if I found someone who would love me if I wasn’t me. That leaves me where I started, at the bottom of the food chain, waiting for some love to come my way.

Life in Perspective (part 2 of 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 14:03:00 +0000

For almost a month now, the “regular programming” of my life has been interrupted, quite literally, by a series of breaking news stories. First was the de Venecia ouster at the Lower House, which I had woken up to while it was being aired live on ANC (also because of Paul’s rousing). I don’t know why I cared about it so much, but I sat up although it was already past midnight and sat through the ENTIRE voting process. I took note of what the representatives were saying and how they were saying it, and part of me wished that I could send them better speeches through WiFi. Next was the live press conference of ZTE whistleblower Jun Lozada, and again I sat through the entire presscon, enraged at what I was hearing and feeling utterly frustrated that I couldn’t do anything to fix the system.

And then I hit upon a “brilliant” idea: Why not write my thoughts and suggestions down and send them to newspaper editors, congressmen, senators, media, and so on? I was so impassioned by the issues and so insistent on making my voice heard that, three days of watching round-the-clock coverages later, I drafted my “10-point reform agenda” and sent them to all those whom I thought would be interested in my ideas.

I’m not sure if the newspapers ever picked up my email and published it as a Letter to the Editor, but so many others responded and asked to meet with me. There was a lawyer working here and in the US who had been working on judicial reforms for some time now, a political party based on “moral leadership” that had fielded a handful of senatorial candidates in the 2007 elections, an organization based in my alma mater’s rival school, and even some Filipinos from different parts of the world. It was heartening and encouraging, and part of me felt that “this is what I’m supposed to do.”

And it has since turned my life completely upside down. In a mere three weeks, I had spoken at a press conference, helped organize a widely covered noise barrage and concert that showed my face on TV, participated in yet another rally (the fourth or fifth since my political life began 12 years ago), and been elected one of the vice chairpersons of a newly formed political group. Between actual (paid) work and volunteer activities, it’s my socio-civic involvements that have occupied most of my time as of late. Even I am questioning if this is the right thing to do (because, after all, I have bills to pay and cannot afford to spend more than 50 percent of my time on pro bono work), but my heart and my gut tell me that it is.

On my way home this afternoon from Jay’s memorial service, one of good friends posed me the same question: “Aren’t you doing too much, Nines? You could afford to turn your back on these things, you know.”

Yes, I know. But I’m not sure if I want to.

To be very honest, I still don’t know where all this is leading to. But I also know that it is bringing me so much more fulfillment than money alone can. If some people get a high out of shopping or playing video games or taking *stuff*, then I get a high out of participating in political processes. (I’ve even forgone watching my favorite TV shows in favor of 24-hour news.) Don’t ask me why because I don’t understand it myself.

The entire process has also brought me much closer to my beloved. Ever since we met in the student council 12 years ago, Paul and I have always seen in each other a kindred soul when it came to the things that we believed in. Now, over four years after getting together and just a few months shy of being husband and wife, we are finding in each other a much-needed source of support, encouragement, and clarity. Things just seem to be falling neatly into place for both of us these days. And the constant news-watching and political discoursing actually helps. (Some people go on dinner dates; we watch the news and share our respective commentaries.)

What does all this mean for me on a practical level? While I admit to being momentarily distracted by current events to be able to meet all my deadlines, I also know that all this clarity is making me a better person—and, I hope, a better writer. My exposure to business, to arts and culture, to politics, to civic life is allowing me to better see each one’s place and role in society. It’s giving me a clearer perspective on why my work is important and what else I can do to be more effective. It’s allowing me to see how important beauty is in our society—because, while certain values and ideals truly cannot be measured, these are important in enabling a more humane and dignified society.

At the intersection of Jay’s passing and all these political involvements, I realized that, at the very core, I am somebody who cannot compartmentalize the different aspects of my life—nor can I just “shut off” certain things (such as politics or my family). My beliefs and my value system are reflected in my work, just as my different engagements reflect the different values and principles that I hold dear. Take away Ateneo, take away politics, take away volunteer work, take away art… and you would have taken away “vital organs” that enable me to function. I simply cannot do without them.

If there is one thing that Jay’s life has taught me, it is that you can be anyone you want to be—whenever you want to do it. Aside from being a very talented copywriter, Jay was a radio DJ, a voice talent, a songwriter, a host, one of the founders of an organization that helped educate children, and a WONDERFUL friend, brother, and son. He never let anything stop him from doing that which mattered to him, and so he lived a very, very full and rich life in spite of his youth. Although he passed away at 32, the legacy he has left behind surpasses even those of some of our elders here. Jay showed all of us that life can be great—every single day—and that you don’t have to wait to make your dreams come true.

Jay once wrote in my blog (A Spoonful of Sugar) that “nice guys finish last.” This time, I know that he finished first, and that he’s taking the gold all the way to heaven. I only hope to be able to touch as many lives as he had.

Life in Perspective (part 1 of 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 13:59:00 +0000

1 March 2008

Today my college friends and I laid a very, very dear friend of ours to rest. John Julian “Jay” Tan III, one of my best friends (and the would-have-been host of my wedding and the ninong of my future first-born), died due to complications arising from his kidney transplant and the medications that he had to take after it. Although the apparent cause of death was cardiac arrest, Jay had already battled heart and kidney diseases months—even years—before his passing. He was only 32.

I received the text about Jay’s passing on the afternoon of February 25, while I was at the Ateneo grounds preparing for a big concert “for truth, accountability, and reform.” I will never forget that scene: I was doing a last-minute text blast to friends, encouraging them to join the concert, when the text about Jay came—and from someone outside my college group. I immediately knew that it was true (because nobody would dare joke about Jay), but I just stood there for a few minutes—in shock and trying to collect my wits, until a volunteer rushed to me, asking a question while tears streamed down my face. There I was, doing something that was supposed to “make a difference” in the country, and yet one of my favorite people had died without having felt my presence while he was sick. I’m not sure I made much of a difference in Jay’s life in the weeks before we passed away.

It was a big slap on the face for me—as if the Universe were saying, “For all your ‘noble’ aspirations, you couldn’t be there for your friend. And now he’s gone. What good does ‘saving the world’ do when you couldn’t save your friend?”

The last phone conversation we had was about a DVD I excitedly bought for him at a sale in Greenbelt. Jay had a HUGE DVD collection at home, and I had borrowed two Spanish titles years ago and then lost them when we transferred homes. I knew that Jay was deeply disappointed, but he never showed it. I promised to get him a new copy and only got to do so—and an original one at that!—three years later. So I excitedly called him up and told him that I bought him an original DVD, and I promised to visit him “soon” to do marathon DVD-watching.

His reply was, “When will that be? You always promise to visit, but you haven’t yet.”

That was another slap in the face. Among my many circles of friends, I’m probably known as a flaker because I usually confirm my attendance at gatherings early—only to back out at the last minute because of events that I have to attend or cover, because of deadlines that I need to meet, or because of immobility. The bottomline is: work has become a very convenient excuse to miss social gatherings, and now I’m realizing how important those coffees and dinners really are. They might be the last you’ll ever have with someone.

So I’m saddened not because Jay is gone (because he is fully alive in my heart and in my soul), but because I was not able to show him how much I loved and cared for him when he needed his friends the most. While I was busy going about my work and enjoying the lifestyle that it enabled me to have, my “brother” was immobilized by his medical condition and had to give up a lot of the things that he enjoyed. And I couldn’t even cheer him up.

Events like this make you wonder what your life is really all about. They challenge the value you place upon your family, friends, and emotional support structure. They force you to rethink your priorities and figure out where things really fall within the entire scheme of things. They make you look at the things that you value most and ask you, “Does it really make a difference?”

One Saturday would have meant so much to Jay, and I couldn’t even give him that. And now he’s gone. And there will be countless Saturdays without him.

When a dear, dear friend dies...

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:52:00 +0000

... You think of all the great times that you had together

And the ones you will never, ever have again.

... You cry not for him, because you know that he is already at peace.

You cry for yourself because you were not there for him when he was in pain.

Because you were too busy working. Or "saving the world."

But you were not able to save him.

And you never got to say goodbye.

Bouncey, I'm so, so, so sorry... I hope you do know (and I tried to tell you as best as I could) that I have always loved you. You have always been, and always will be, one of my Top Three. You know that.

John Julian "Jay" Tan III (a.k.a. Bounce): September 1, 1975 to February 25, 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 10:31:00 +0000

Bouncey...

Here's to that first fateful date that you witnessed

(And the many others that you heard of...)

To all the tears that you caught

With every time that my heart broke

(Whether through my own fault or otherwise)

And the big, warm hugs that you generously gave

Here's to conversations about your Dewey and my Ravi

(Or whatever name we would have called them)

And how they would have been best friends

Here's to the debut that you hosted oh-so-well

And the wedding that would have been your show

Here's to pillow talk

And DVD days

To Hablo con Ella

And Y Tu Mama Tambien

Here's to all the looooooong nights

Talking on the phone

About your ___

And my ____

And everything else in between

Here's to the temper tantrums

That only YOU witnessed

And to everything that you meant to me

You were one of my Top Three

My big brother

My best friend

The guy that would have seen it all

I WILL MISS YOU TERRIBLY,

MY DEAR, DEAR BOUNCEY.

Even after you're gone

Only YOU will be able to call me

Your little sister, Niney.

The youth are asking for reform, not rhetoric (TEAM RP Press Statement)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 19:17:00 +0000

Please allow me to share with you the statement that we at TEAM RP released to the media during our presscon last Saturday.

To push our advocacy further, we are staging the TEAM RP CONCERT FOR TRUTH, ACCOUNTABILITY, AND REFORM THIS AFTERNOON (25 FEB, 4-8PM) AT THE ATENEO DE MANILA UNIVERSITY CAMPUS (GATE 2.5), LOYOLA HEIGHTS, QUEZON CITY. More than being just an ordinary concert, this event will gather TEAM RP volunteers from different institutions and sectors to help us in the necessary and crucial activities to follow.

For more information about TEAM RP and how you can help us work for TRUTH, ACCOUNTABILITY, and REFORM in governance, please email me at nina[dot]terol[at]gmail[dot]com. Please also pass this on to your friends who can help us.

---

TEAM RP

PRESS STATEMENT: February 23, 2008

REFORM, NOT RHETORIC

We are the generation of Filipinos who stand before you today, filled with high hopes for our nation despite the convoluted and confounding events unfolding before us. We acknowledge that we have tolerated and contributed to a system of dysfunction, corruption, and selfishness not only in public governance but also in other spheres of daily life. But we also realize that, just as we have contributed to the problem engulfing our country today, so can we work proactively to set things right. Therefore, we are here before you today to declare our commitment to pursuing TRUTH, ACCOUNTABILITY, and REFORM for the sake of millions of Filipinos who are hungry, desperate for, and deserving of real progress.

While the rest of the country is hooked on the unfolding telenovela that the recent spate of scandals have become, we see that the cycle of greed, malpractice, and corruption has gone on for generations already, and has been inherited by each generation after it. Though our outcry has been brought out by our gross appreciation of what has been going on and revealed to the public these days, we believe that anyone in public office is accidental to our call for genuine, fundamental, and systemic reforms. We will continue fighting for our cause regardless of who is in power.

In our pursuit of TRUTH, we believe that every citizen should be given the right and the freedom to access information—about how they are being governed, how public resources are being allocated, how their officials (whether elected or appointed) are performing their duties. If we are to effectively participate in democratic processes, then we must have access to information that we will need to make intelligent decisions.

In our pursuit of ACCOUNTABILITY, we believe that people should be held accountable to and by the public whom they serve—and not merely to and by the Powers that Be that direct their careers and their paychecks. We believe in upholding retributive justice by prosecuting unlawful acts and pressuring wrongdoers to correct their mistakes and effectively prevent such problems from happening again. Many crooks—not only in government but also in the private sector—have gotten away with their crimes simply because we chose to look away, let them go, or negate our laws and judicial processes. We have to make our democracy work by ensuring that our institutions are functional, regardless of the personalities within them.

In our pursuit of GENUINE REFORMS, we believe that specific policies, programs, and practices should be enacted and implemented—and others abolished—to bring about real, tangible solutions to age-old problems. The public's outrage and frustration should be channeled into efforts to change not just governments and personalities, but entire systems as well. We must act as a people to ensure that appropriate reforms are effected and that results are continuously monitored, evaluated, and revised in order to maintain ethical effectiveness. People change, times change; so, too, must systems change accordingly.

We may be young and lacking in experience, but we do not fall short of the passion, the belief, and the hope that the Philippines can still be a country to be proud of—not only in the future, but also in the here and now. We hope that our actions will encourage our fellow Filipinos to set aside partisanship, political mudslinging and grandstanding, personality bashing, and the protection of familial ties or friendship in favor of pursuing higher goods that will benefit each and every one of us.

Since the beginning of our collective history, many men and women—perhaps including you, in some instances—stood up and risked their own lives so that we in this generation may have the liberties we now enjoy. So now, we are putting these same liberties to good use to rise—rise above the system of inequity, injustice, and ineffectiveness that this current system has bred. We urge you: push for change, BE the change.

One country, one team: TEAM RP

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 21:15:00 +0000

We have only one country
We are only one people

Regardless of color
Regardless of tongue
Regardless of location
Regardless of faith
Regardless of affiliation

Let us blur party lines, break down walls
Let us be ONE COUNTRY, ONE TEAM

Please join TEAM RP!

A CONCERNED CITIZEN’S 10-POINT REFORM AGENDA TO STRENGTHEN THE PHILIPPINE BUREAUCRACY

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:37:00 +0000

I break my online silence with this open letter, which I drafted late last night.

---

8 February 2008

Dear friends and fellow citizens of the Philippine Republic:

I am writing this in the wake of several events that have greatly upset the balance of various forces that keep our teetering nation afloat.

Three nights ago, I awoke from a night-time nap to see a live telecast of the House of Representatives unseating its incumbent Speaker after an explosive (but not shocking) revelation and a long and tense voting process, and then installing a new Speaker from the same party.

Then, the day after that, I once again awoke from my slumber in time to see another live telecast—this time showing an emotionally charged man presenting a damning testimony about a large-scale government project and billions of pesos that we (and our children and grandchildren, and maybe even our great-grandchildren) will have to repay in taxes and foregone basic social services.

Through these past three days, I have kept close watch over the unfolding of events and have felt a deep sense of sadness, frustration, anger—and even rage—over what our country has turned into. Here I am, still in this country in spite of several opportunities to leave, and I’m wondering if this country is indeed still worth staying for, still worth fighting for. I feel sad that I feel this way; I feel frustrated because I don’t know if ANYTHING I do will really make a big difference; and I feel anger and rage because I do not deserve this. WE do not deserve this.

I am not here to take sides, or to lay blame, but to make my feelings and ideas known. The problems we face in our country are systemic; short-term, “Band-Aid” solutions will not work. In the same way, merely replacing our leaders (such as what the Lower House did) will not do much to change the system. What we need is to OVERHAUL the way we regard and treat our government (which includes the ENTIRE bureaucracy), the way we regard and treat our country and the way we regard and treat ourselves.

For as long as we think that our government is made up of the “latak” of Philippine society, then that’s what we will get. For as long as we EXPECT government workers to be small-minded and corruptible, then that’s what they will. So maybe it’s about time to DEMAND that our government be made of the best, the brightest, and the most qualified of professionals—with some degree of credibility, authority, and moral ascendancy over their posts. Then, perhaps, real change can begin.

What I propose, therefore, are some steps that will entail changing and strengthening the bureaucracy from within. These are by no means politically motivated or even politically focused; these ideas are more organizational in nature—meant to “attack” the virus at its core, regardless of who is in charge.

So please indulge me in sharing my ideas. I realize that I probably have no authority to say these things—I am, after all, merely a communicator with no degree in law or government, with no actual government experience, and with no PhDs to boast of. BUT I CARE. I care so much about what happens to us that I wish I were better equipped to actually make these changes happen. But like José Rizal, one of this country’s greatest thinkers with whom I share my alma mater, my only weapon is my pen—and, perhaps, my great love for this country.

If, after you read this, you think that there may actually be some merit to these ideas, please feel free to pass this letter on to those in government, in civil society, in the academe, or in the private sector who would be capable of putting these reforms into place. At this point, I simply need the catharsis or I will explode.

Reform and strengthen the bureaucracy

Change must happen not only in the top tiers of government, but also deep within it and across the board. I have heard many, many horror stories of the dysfunctions of the system not only because of its leaders, but also because of the very people who make it up. If we are working in the government, or transacting with it and acquiescing to the very ills that pain us today (as most of us are), then we are part of the problem, too. Therefore, the solutions must start at the grassroots level of governance.

1. Require ALL public officials to pass the Civic Service Exam AND a standard psychological exam before assuming an appointive and/or elective post. Corollary to that, require all legislative posts (and even all top appointive posts, from cabinet secretaries down to their assistant secretaries and group heads) to first pass a Constitutional Exam before even being allowed to file for candidacy. (This may require a constitutional amendment)

2. Conduct bi-annual metrics-based performance evaluation of all elected and appointed officials through a publicized scorecard showing officials’ Key Result Areas and Key Performance Indicators, and enabling citizens across the board to know how their officials fared. (For this, we can look to the BPO industries and other best practices in the private sector for the necessary templates.)

3. Regularly convene a Citizens’ Evaluation Board that will act as a jury to input their own evaluations of public officials and their legislations or projects.

4. Strengthen the hiring and firing system of the Civic Service Commission to ensure that only those who are qualified for posts are hired, and that those who are unqualified or fail to perform are disciplined, penalized, and/or fired.

5. Streamline the bureaucracy: eliminate redundant posts and ghost employees to free up government funds to raise baseline salaries (competitive to those of private sector posts, since nobody can live on a salary of P4,500 (!!) or even P9,000 a month) and introduce incentives to attract qualified talent to the government. How much is good governance worth? Why do we pay our government officials so poorly and then get surprised when people cheat, lie, and steal to make ends meet?

6. Convene think tanks from the academe, civil society, and private sector (Filipinos based here and abroad) to make specific recommendations about various priority areas in government. Make these recommendations public so that there is transparency and accountability in addressing these recommendations.

7. Require the publication of all elected officials’ and candidates evaluations prior to an election period (where applicable). Exploit the power of available technology to demand transparency and accountability from all government officials and employees.

Discourage and eliminate corruption

There is absolutely no excuse for corrupt practices. However, our current bureaucratic system has encouraged it because it has failed to reward achievements and punish offenses.

8. Institutionalize regulated and standardized project management fees for government agencies that manage projects. Perhaps the answer to all these under-the-table kickbacks and commissions is to bring them out into the open and standardize them. After all, many companies charge project management fees to run projects; maybe the same system can be applied to government agencies (so that we can stop denying that such kickbacks and commissions exist!). Make project management fees “receiptable” and their reports public so that everyone will know who is getting how much for what. Further incentives (performance bonuses, etc.) could be granted to project management teams that deliver exceptional results.

a. Example 1: For projects below P10M, a 10% project management fee may be allotted to the project management team/involved government agency. Of this 10%, the project proponent and members of the project team will get their own (standardized) professional fees as compensation for their time, skills, and expertise. Not only will this, in current events lingo, “moderate the greed;” it might be a good way to start correcting our government’s “dysfunctional procurement system.”

b. Example 2: For projects ranging from P10M to P99M, the project management fee may be lowered to 5-7%; and so on.

9. Publish a Web-based portal (developed and managed by academe, civil society, private sector, with the cooperation of all government departments, agencies, and branches) of all existing government projects (including infrastructure projects initiated by legislators) that will enable even ordinary citizens to track the progress of projects and demand government accountability when and where it is required. Corollary to this, require all legislators, cabinet secretaries, etc. to publish audited reports of their PDAF and department budgets the way publicly listed companies publish their annual reports.

10. Create support structures to encourage and protect private citizens who need to report cases of government corruption across all levels. From those of us who get stopped on the street for traffic offenses we did not commit, to those of us filing government documents and asked to be paid a small fee (“padulas”) to expedite its completion, to those of us involved in government contracts and asked to pay exorbitant amounts to get our projects approved, ALL of us—at one time or another—have been subject to graft and corruption in government. Can’t there be a better way of reporting offenses and protecting ourselves? Perhaps we can also use SMS- and Web-based technologies to make such systems possible. More than this, there should be a campaign to encourage reporting and “whistle-blowing” of government transgressions. After all, we should all be encouraged to tell the truth so that those who are doing underhanded acts are discouraged from doing so.

The events that have recently unfolded in our country only show that we can no longer turn a blind eye on the practical and gray realities surrounding us. Outside of the greed that permeates our society, people are motivated by sheer NEED AND HUNGER. They do not earn the proper wages, so they feel the need to resort to underhanded and criminal acts in order to feed themselves and their families. They do not get the respect they deserve as officials of the Philippine government, so they resort to bullying and power-tripping in order to feel their importance. They are not shown respect and dignity as human beings, so they trample on others’ dignity in order to feel a bit better about their plight. This in no way excuses people’s actions, but it’s, perhaps, the “dark side” of human nature that we ought to recognize and address squarely in the face.

I really hope that things can still be done to heal the wounds that are hurting all of us. More importantly, I hope that WE can be part of the solution. It doesn’t matter whether we’re earning P1,000 or P1,000,000 a month; this upheaval affects each of us, so the answer MUST lie (somehow) in each of us as well.

Thank you for bearing with me. If there is anything I can do to be of greater service to my country, please let me know.

Yours truly,

Niña Terol

Writer. Communicator. Filipino

nina.terol@gmail.com

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 20:02:00 +0000

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

~ Albert Einstein

THIS YEAR by Chantal Kreviazuk

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 03:34:00 +0000

These are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies, Serendipity

THIS YEAR
Chantal Kreviazuk

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

This year, I'll paint my masterpiece
This year, I'll be recognized
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
This year, this year

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh...

This year, I'll reach the pinnacle
This year, I'll get to the top
People will ask where she get that energy
This year, I'm never gonna stop

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh, oh, oh...

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

I'm gonna have fun
Just watch me now
This year
This year
This year

Time heals all wounds; love speeds up the process.

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 10:36:00 +0000

And, somehow, Christmas came back...

Christmas evening, with just Nat King Cole

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 06:30:00 +0000

It’s Christmas evening, and I am alone in my mom’s place, writing this entry while listening to Nat King Cole. Mom had to take a flight to Davao for work, and Aljoe and Erica joined her. I should be somewhere else, feeling the joy of the season. Instead I decided to use the time and the space to be alone and really just... feel.

What a crazy past few days. What a crazy Christmas. And it ain’t really over yet.

How it began, I really don’t know. Did it begin weeks or months ago, when disturbing dreams and feelings entered my consciousness? Did it begin when I started feeling an odd thump-thump in my heart and a familiar knot in the stomach? Or did it begin just that night, at someone else’s wedding (too much like the one we wanted to have for ourselves)?

I really don’t know. But it happened. And people got hurt. And Christmas took on a different meaning altogether.

Strangely enough, as I sit here with Nat King Cole’s voice singing “Unforgettable,” I feel an odd kind of peace knowing that I am strong, my mind is clear, and my feelings are real. Am I sad? Yes, that it happened. Am I in pain? Yes, still. Especially knowing that I was hurt and caused hurt in return. At Christmas, of all times. Am I angry? I was, but I somehow can’t feel it anymore. Am I scared? Yes, because of the uncertainty that tomorrow brings. But all these feelings are eclipsed by the fact that I feel so much Love flowing within me.

Love. At this time. While I’m alone. After everything that had happened in the past three days.

And I don’t know what will happen tonight, or in the next few days, or in the next year. All I know is that I will be guided by Love. Real, pure, uncomplicated Love.

“I don’t know why
I know these things
But I do.”
~ I Don’t Know Why, October Project

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

I saw a rainbow this morning, from mom's veranda...

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 19:11:00 +0000

... and I know that everything is going to be okay.

All good things must come to an end.

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 17:37:00 +0000

Our first performance as a duo: Romancing Venus: Giving (10 December 2007)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:33:00 +0000

Link

Here are photos of our first performance ever, at the Romancing Venus Poetry Night at Mag:net Katipunan. (Thanks to Erving Go for these great shots!) The theme of the night was Giving, and so I composed and read two poems: Interview with the Christmas Star, which is about the star that always gives and doesn't ask for anything in return (which I read with Paul on percussion at the background), and The Moon's Gift, which is for the man who has given me so much--and dedicated, of course, to Paul.

It was a great night, and I was very fortunate to have witnessed a gathering of a very diverse mix of performers: there were stand-up comic acts, an opera tenor (really, really GOOD!), more poets, and a fusion of poetry and music. It was the best setting for my first time, and it's the kind of environment I'd encourage more people to be a part of.

So in case you'd like to catch the next poetry night, please do block off JANUARY 14, 2008, 7-9PM at Mag:net Katipunan. The theme of the night is Birth, and it coincides with Paul's and my birth month so we're very excited to cook up yet another poetry act.

Donate a book, build a library

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 20:33:00 +0000

Link

A few months ago, Anna Rojas, a good friend of mine, began a book drive for the Sta. Teresa National High School in the island of Guimaras. It was a simple project that aimed to share a love of learning and books to the school children of Sta. Teresa National High School, and it didn't take rocket science or Rockefeller riches to get off the ground.

Now, Sta. Teresa National High School already has a library, which was inaugurated just two days ago (December 17). In it were the books that Anna was able to bring there through the generous support of friends, colleagues, and other do-gooders--as well as other reference materials, of course.

In this Season of Giving, I feel BLESSED to have great friends who embody the Spirit of the Season, and to know that all around us are great examples of everyday folks who do things just a little differently to make a big difference.

Six days to Christmas!

My Surprise Act for Paul Ü

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:34:00 +0000

THE MOON’S GIFT

Poetry by Niña Terol

Performed at the Romancing Venus Poetry Night, 10 December 2007

Mag:net Katipunan

For Paul, the man whose music has given me wings

In the darkness of night

As my world slumbers

And as I dream

Of forgotten wishes

Of friends long gone

Of the mysteries of the Universe

Your world

Is bursting

With music

With color

With life.

It is a world

I can glimpse

Only through your eyes

A life I cannot fully

Understand.

It is a force that

Separates us,

Keeps us distinct

As Sun and Moon

Although we share the same sky

And watch over the same world

I do not understand the Moon—

Do not comprehend

How it can affect the tides

Or cause me

To turn into a werewolf

At the stroke of midnight

I cannot read its Face

Nor decipher the smile or

The tears

That merge

With its light.

But I do know

That the Moon

Lights your way.

It shows you

Where to you

As you tread on your path

To greatness

To glory

To peace.

It gives you

The Strength

The Wisdom

And the Courage

To do what is right

To seek what is just

To summon the Will

To live

And love.

There are many things

I do not understand,

Many things

That often cause

The crease on my brow,

The frown on my lips.

But these are the same things

That give you

The power

To be the pillar of my world

The ground beneath my feet

The Force that

Pushes me

To reach for the sky

And shine

By my own light.

For as I slumber

And dream

Of princes turned toads,

Of genies and faraway lands

You are using your gift

To nourish me,

Keep me safe,

And make my dreams come true.

There are many things

I may not understand

But I thank them

For the gift of you

And for the gift of your love

That greets me

As the moon bades farewell

And leaves me to the

Warm embrace

Of Day.

My "Virgin Act" at Romancing Venus Poetry Night, 10 December 2007 =)

noreply@blogger.com (Niña Terol-Zialcita) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:26:00 +0000

INTERVIEW WITH THE CHRISTMAS STAR

Poetry by Niña Terol

Performed at the Romancing Venus Poetry Night, 10 December 2007

Mag:net Katipunan

When you shone your light

That night

A million moons ago

Did you know that

The Child

Was someday going to be

Taunted

Persecuted

But eventually become

King?

Did you cry when you saw

That your light

Illuminated

Even those whose hearts were dark?

Do you cry

When a child

Makes a wish

That you cannot grant?

Do you ever cry at all?

Do you ever wish

For something of your own?

What is it like

To be up there

Gazing at us

Down here

And hearing

Wishes

And prayers

And cries

But never really knowing

What it is

To live?

When you grant

A wish

For happiness

Or true love

Or peace

Do they ever stop

To thank you

And say how

Magnificent

Your light is?

Do they ever stop

To think

How you must feel

Standing alone

In the dark—

The nearest star

Light years away—

And dying just a little bit

Inside

So we could catch

A glimpse

Of your eternal smile?

Do you twinkle

When no one’s watching?

What has it cost you

To be where you are now?

Are you really happy?

When I look up

At the Heavens

And see you

Do you see me, too?

And when I wish

For nothing more

Than world peace

Do you smile at yourself

And say, “This girl is

A fool!”

Or are you relieved

That you got a wish

That is not yours to grant?

When you see me

Looking up at you

What do you really want

To say?

How much would you really

Give

To turn your light off for

Just a moment

And crash down on Earth

So that you’d finally know

How much it hurts

How much it costs

To be down here

When you see everyone

On Earth

Do you secretly say

A prayer of thanks

That the Heavens decided

To spare you

The agony of life

At the risk

Of never experiencing

Love?

Have you ever been in love?

If so

How much of yourself—

How many impossible wishes

Would you grant

To be alive

And in someone’s arms

Again?

How much would you really give?